Halloween to Azkaban
by RnbwXSprinkles
Summary: Remus, Sirius, and Peter's thoughts as their lives fell apart.
1. Lilies and Roses

A/N: This isn't important yet, but in future chapters is will be. Anything in **bold** is **Sirius' **point of view. Everything in _Italics_ is _Pete_r's point of view. And everything else is Remus. 

**Halloween. The night of mischief. The night when Death Eaters were most likely to "have some fun". And I was on duty. Although I was supposed to be covering London as well as the small suburbs and cities surrounding it, I couldn't help leaning towards Godric's Hollow. **

I was one of the few who knew Voldemort was after James and Lily. I was one of the even fewer who was allowed close to Harry. I loved Harry. He looked like both James and Lily, with a wild layer of jet-black hair and vivid green eyes. He laughed more than he cried, and he absolutely loved being in the air, whether it was someone swinging him in their arms, or he was just being held. He already had my unconditional love and reminded me so strongly of James and Lily.

Nothing suspicious occurred while I was on duty. Humming slightly to myself, but still on the alert, I made my way towards Godric's Hollow, home of the Marauders. Because I passed Peter's house before reaching mine, I decided to look in. Ignoring an instinctual feeling that something was wrong, I knocked on the door.

"Peter!" I called, "Peter!" My first knock opened the door. I realized then that it hadn't been closed. A quick search of his small, one story house revealed that Peter wasn't home. Where would he be? He didn't have duty, and it was too late for him to want to be out. But at the same time, nothing suggested that there had been a struggle or Death Eaters involved. There was just nothing there; no blood, nothing overturned or crooked, nothing unhinged, and above all else, no Dark Mark.

I knew then what had happened. I knew Peter had betrayed James and Lily. He had betrayed us all. Feeling as if caught in a nightmare, I ran as fast as possible to James and Lily's home. I the midst of running, I transformed into Padfoot, painfully quickening the process that should usually be done when one was completely still. There was no longer any confusion about what I had to do. If it was too late to help James and Lily, I would have to get Harry.

I stopped short when I saw the house. In my shock, my dog form slipped from me. Standing there, I stared at the destruction. Crumpled at my feet were the white gates. A vine of roses still clung to them. Lilies and roses were trampled together.

Lilies and roses were the first things Lily and James added to their homes. They had asked the rest of us Marauders which flowers to plant. We answered immediately and in unison. Lilies and roses, we had said. Lilies for Lily, our favorite flower girl. And roses for James' tendency to be melodramatic and romantic. I remember James laughing when we explained our reasons to him. It was Remus who suggested that I thought of roses because they matched me also for those reasons. I admitted that that was probably true.

But those times had passed and horrible events had commenced, leading up to the destruction that lay before me. Only the foundations of the house could be seen. The rest was rubble spread widely on the ground. Then I saw them. The bodies. They were so far apart. James was by the entrance. Lily was almost to the woods behind the house. Almost as if by fate, Lily was covered with roses. Roses were wound through her hair and petals were all around her. Looking at James, I saw that he was covered with Lilies, the pearly petals contrasting with his pitch-black hair.

I couldn't believe that these people were gone. This family had just begun to make its way into the world, and now their flames were smothered, never to light again. In the midst of my misery, I heard the frantic cry of an infant. Harry! He was alive. I rushed over to the sound, only to stop short.

It was Hagrid and he had Harry. I was so relieved. Hagrid had found Harry. Harry was safe!

"Hagrid!" I called out, "Thank god you've found Harry!"

"Well, hello Sirius." Hagrid looked around, no doubt taking in the unbelievable scene, "Tragic in'it?" I don't know why, but Hagrid's familiar voice enforcing the fact that the three people I cared most about in the world were dead made me break down. I couldn't take it any more, I cried, trying desperately to talk through my tears. I needed to ask for Harry. I needed to explain that this was my entire fault. That I had been the one to suggest they switch and make Peter their secret keeper.

"Sirius, it'll be fine," Hagrid said awkwardly patting my back and pushing my already limp body to the ground. I could tell he knew that what he was saying wasn't true. It would never be fine that James and Lily were dead. Harry needed them, I needed them. I straightened, back rigid, face composed. Peter would pay. But first, I needed to get Harry out of here. I was his godfather. I was responsible for him.

"Give Harry to me, Hagrid, I'm his godfather, I'll look after him." Hagrid looked taken aback by my sudden rigidity.

"I'm 'fraid I can't do that Sirius, I have ter take him. Dumbledore said Harry was ter go ter his aunt an' uncles." My throat closed up, fighting against another lump of tears; Harry had been my last connection to Lily and James.

"Well then," I said shakily, "Take my motorbike. I won't need it anymore." I walked away; heading for home, knowing Hagrid would follow.

"Thank ya, Sirius." With that, Hagrid left. I stood there watching. Then I collapsed, tears falling as it began to rain. In one night, my life had fallen apart, becoming pure hell.


	2. All That and a Cup of Tea

It was November 1st. I couldn't believe what I was reading in the Prophet. James and Lily! Dead! But Harry, Harry was still alive. Voldemort was defeated, but that was poor consolation for the death of Lily and James Potter. Poor consolation for the betrayal of Sirius, one who I'd once considered my closest friend.

My body shook with tears; tears that I was unable to let out due to my continually forced calm; the calm I, a werewolf, had always forced myself to live by. The clinking of china could be heard as I tremblingly set down my cup of tea.

I felt so alone. I needed to take in Harry, but I wouldn't, couldn't put him in danger. Besides, I was sure Dumbledore would want to find a suitable home for Harry. I would be left out of the picture, almost completely without friends. Peter. He was the only one left, for Sirius was dead to me. And he would never live again.

Dear Old Padfoot. May he rot in his grave.

**Peter. That little rat. That traitor. I gave him my friendship, I trusted him with my best friend's lives. We all trusted him.**

Moony. We all thought it was Moony. How could we have thought that? How could we have let a prejudice that we swore to never even think of worm it's way into our friendship? James and Lily were gone.

My heart jumped as I realized that the world thought I was their secret keeper. At the time, that was a good thing, but now… they would send me to Azkaban. Remus would hate me. And Voldemort… he would do everything in his power to make sure it stayed that way.

My heart jumped again as I remembered. There was no Voldemort! He was gone! But his defeat had cost the death of my two best friends. It was all my fault. I had told them to use Peter. I told them that no one would bother coming after him, they would all suspect me.

But it was also Peter's fault. And this time there was no "Dark Lord" to come after me when I dared go after one of his followers. I would kill Peter. In the middle of a street if I had to; a muggle street even. I would do it.

And with that resolved, I supressed my slight trembling, sipped some tea and, on the way out, calmly threw the almost (but not quite) empty cup at the wall.

_The Dark Lord was gone. Left in ruins, because of my information. If no one from the ministry figured out that I was the traitor, The Dark Lord's remaining servants would kill me for what they saw as a betrayal. No one knew I was the Potter's Secret Keeper, except… Sirius! Of all people, I knew he would come after me. He was probably plotting for my head at that very moment!_

Then it came to me, the perfect plan. Sirius had made it known that he was the Potter's Secret Keeper and before they switched to me, they informed no one of their plans. Even people who didn't know it had been Sirius surely would've thought it. All I had to do was work with that knowledge, and then I would be free!

Knowing Sirius would be looking for me by now, I calmly walked to the main square of Godric's Hollow, my plan already forming in my head.

**I knew Peter could be anywhere, but the main square of Godric's Hollow was the closest, and easiest, place to start. I searched everywhere I could. Bakeries, Convenience Stores, everywhere I thought Peter was most likely to be.**

Then I looked down alleys and side streets. At the sound of a rat scuttling, I would be there. Any noise, ordinary or otherwise, I was there. Finally, I gave up searching with my human form and became Padfoot,

Finally, I found him. Becoming human once again, I walked down the street to where he was standing, gazing at an old building.

"Peter, you rat!" I cried out. I was going to say more, but he cut me off, a look of anguish, that probably only I knew was fake, on his face. 

"Sirius!" he faked a sob, " Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!" How dare he! How dare he accuse me of killing Lily and James! I had my wand raised before I even realized I had grabbed it. 

But before I could jinx the lying worm, the street split open beneath my very feet. Speechless, I watched as Peter cut off his finger, transformed and jumped into the rubble and out of sight. And then the Ministry came.

I was stunned. I couldn't believe that I had sunk this low. A friend kills my best friends, and I get punished. It was just so ironic! And so, I laughed.

_Ha! My plan had worked, but I now recognized a flaw in my thinking. I wasn't really free, I couldn't show my face to anyone again; I had to live the rest of my life as a rat._

Some months later, I had nearly given up. Wallowing in self-pity, and hardly surviving, I went up onto the street in a half-hearted search for food.

I never found food, but I found a boy. I soon learned his name was Percy Weasley.

"Oh look! A rat! You poor thing, you're all beat up!" and with that, the boy promptly scooped me up and took me home. I didn't struggle. 

**Ministry officials grabbed me, most likely expecting a struggle. I don't know if they were disappointed, or relieved. Maybe they were just confused.**

I knew I was being sent into Azkaban, but even that knowledge couldn't stop my laughter. I laughed, and laughed, right up to the gates of my future prison. But then, the laughter died away, to be replaced by a deathly, haunting silence.

But the silence never lasts long. It is soon replaced by memories and thoughts that kill any happiness one might have. But I was determined.

Once again, the Daily Prophet brought nothing but bad news. At first I simply stared at the headline: Sirius Black Captured: Thirteen Dead. I cried as I read the article. Sirius had done it again.

He had taken twelve muggles for his selfish causes. But what affected me was the name of the wizard killed that day. Peter Pettigrew: Wormtail, the one friend I thought I had left. Taken because of Sirius. If he hadn't already been in Azkaban, I would've killed him.

But as my anger died down, I realized that I couldn't believe Sirius would do such a thing. Sirius: the master of all pranks, the genius of all things mischievous. Sirius: whose partner in crime was James, who howled to the moon all my pain, who was the most helpful person to be with during my monthly curse because he was a canine.

My mind told me he did it, but my heart told me something different. He couldn't have done it. It wasn't him. Not Sirius.

**Whispers of what could have been. Of what I didn't allow to happen. Memories of hate coming from my own family.**

You didn't Sirius. I know you didn't. But you must have. You're the one they caught. You're the one in Azkaban.

_I could feel guilty. But why should I? After all, I'm not in Azkaban._

Fool…

Sirius…

**I'm innocent, I didn't do it.**

Ah, but you're here.

I DIDN'T DO IT!


End file.
